Funny story
by wisdom-jewel
Summary: I pick some fresh crack and cuteness everyday then bake it into something and watch you nibble on it. Beware of oocness. Mini off-shots of my story 'Gambit.' Ch. 3 Mayuri gets Rick Roll'd.
1. Chapter 1

Funny Story

**A side-yet-set-in-the-future-non-canon story of 'Gambit'. Warning you will die of laughter and/or of the sheer cuteness. One-shot might be a two-shot**

The day began normal enough in the Soul Society. If you consider Grimmjow in his release state fighting Ichigo, while he is hiding from Kenpachi. Somehow the fight ending up in Twelve Squad lab, where Mayuri just finish his new project, called 'the Youthantor'. He couldn't find a better name for it yet and it had a few bugs in it.

He was going to use Nemu as a test subject when all sudden, Grimmjow knocked over Nemu and stood where she once stand, thus getting hit by the ray. Ichigo and the others stood in horror when Grimmjow getting turn into a jaguar cub. A cute jaguar cub at best.

"Meow!" Grimmjow could manage. He could speak.

"My, my," Mayuri said. "I see it still have some bugs in this mechine."

'Turn me back you jackass,' Grimmjow thought.

"I could run more tests on you, Arrancer."

Grimmjow did the cutest hiss you ever hear. He even puffed up some.

"I don't think so," Ichigo jumped in. 'What am I doing here? He will only want to fight me. Yet I can't just leave him with this lunatic, he just so darn cute. In a creepy sort of way.' "I gotta take him to Miyuki, she'll know what to do."

He picks up Grimmjow but the neck, he of course hiss and trying to scratch Ichigo but all in vain. Ichigo knows one thing, Miyuki is very good with cats. What he have heard from her adoptive family, those that he had meet, often remark to her that she is the 'cat whispererer'. Since Grimmjow is a cat, she could whisper, he means, commutate with him with ease. Much better then he can.

Reaching to the Mori household, he first met Kaiyo, who gave him a bow. She wore the Academy uniform.

"I wish to speak with Gambit, please," he asked in a panic. Grimmjow was still fighting for freedom and to kick Ichigo's ass.

"Follow me," Kaiyo said. She was puzzle over the hollow jaguar cub. Miyuki was with Stark, who was using her lap as a pillow and Lilinette, who was talking with Miyuki. "Ichigo-san is here to see you, Gambit-sama."

"Hey," Miyuki didn't even look up at him.

"He has this strange hollow cub."

With that Miyuki looked up and did this deep sigh, rolled her eyes, and under her breath, Ichigo could have sworn she said 'stupid male mad scientist'.

"You are dismiss Kaiyo, and good job."

Kaiyo bowed and went her way to God knows where. Ichigo walks forward with Grimmjow with out stretch arms. Grimmjow still trying to starch him with all his might. Miyuki gesture for him to sit, he did but with Grimmjow still in his hands. Miyuki grab the back of his neck, getting the loose skin and Grimmjow relaxed in the powerful grip. So she is the cat whispererer as her siblings often remarked.

"What the hell happen to you Grimmjow."

"Meow," Grimmjow meowed. 'I want to be back in my prideful yet sexy body back.'

Miyuki places Grimmjow down, he jumped on Ichigo face and like the cartoons, attacks it. Miyuki's hand went up in her sleeve and gets a sock, why does she have a sock up her sleeve, he never know, Miyuki moves the sock a bit. Amazingly enough, Grimmjow attacks it. He realize he had been had and stop.

"Meow." 'I won't be fool next time woman!'

"Oh I know but I had to stop you somehow."

"MEOW!" 'I WANT TO BE BACK TO NORMAL!'

Lilinette pull the sock a bit.

'After I kill this sock.'

He attacks the sock again and does the whole killing the poor sock process. Ichigo would have laugh if he wasn't so much in pain from all those tiny starches on his face. Grimmjow lost interest only to gain it back when Lilinette moved it.

'I kill you once and for all, dammit!'

"What should we tell Mary?" Ichigo asked Miyuki.

"I wouldn't worry about it."

"What do you mean not to worry about it?"

Somehow they were right in front of Mary's apartment door.

"And how in the hell did we get here?" Ichigo asked.

"Plot device, my dear Ichigo, plot device," Miyuki said as she holds Grimmjow, who was purring out his heart. He likes being hold by Miyuki, she knows how to hold him. Unlike Lilinette or Kaiyo. Kozaruka could need some work.

Miyuki knocks on the door and hides Grimmjow behind her back.

"Gambit, Ichigo, why are you here? Where's Grimmjow?" Mary asked.

"Funny story. We tell you inside Mary." Miyuki said.

They walked in and sat around the coffee table, Grimmjow still behind Miyuki's back.

"You see, it's not Ichigo's fault but..." Miyuki showed Mary the new version of Grimmjow. "And that's why we have winter."

Ichigo looked at her weird.

"What, that's how we end our stories, 'and that's why we have winter'. It adds humor."

Mary squeal and held Grimmjow close and raised him above her, only to bring back to her breast.

"Grimmjow, you are my kitty cat!"

Being close to those two perfect orbs made him happy. Now it got better, Mary put him down her shirt, between her breast. He purred like a semi-truck. Ichigo could have sworn that Grimmjow is smiling, with his little tongue sticking out. His eyes were closed and to him, this is the best thing that ever happen to him, other then hearing that she was going to have his kid.

"Grimmjow is my kitty cat!" Mary said in a sing song voice.

"I'm amaze he haven't ran away yet," Miyuki sighed.

"Ditto"

'I don't want to go back to normal ever again.'

His little paws lays against her baby blue shirt. He was happy to be between those two orbs that he loves so much. Mary just dotes on him and take care of his every need. Miyuki didn't notice anything wrong, Ichigo wanted to call the ASPCA. Now. But didn't. They both wonder how long would this last for Grimmjow to stay in that form. Hopefully it wears off. If it ever wears off. The count down begins.

**END (?)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter two: Ninja kitty**, **part two.

'The great hunter stalks it's mighty prey,' he thought. His tail showed his sheer joy of the hunt. 'For I am ninja kitty, ninja kitty does what ever a ninja kitty does.'

He finally attacks his worthy yet dangerous prey, Ichigo. The small claws didn't just wake up Ichigo but the small fangs helped greatly.

"Grimmjow!"

He let go and gave the cutest look that would make the toughest person, but Zaraki, melt. The look of course was 'Don't blame me, I'm cute.'. Ichigo didn't bought the whole look that Grimmjow was giving him. Thus he got the phone and contact Miyuki.

"I don't know how he got out," Mary sighed. "He's like a ninja kitten."

She held him close to her breast, Grimmjow did a kitty grin and was pleased to be so close to mounds of happiness. Kon of course was not happy about Grimmjow having access to them and not him.

"It's not fair," Kon whined. "I want to be held like that."

"Shut up," Ichigo's foot met Kon's head. 'Prev.'

"Urahara said that it would wear off soon enough," Miyuki sighed.

"I hope it comes sooner," Ichigo sighed.

"I hope it doesn't," Mary held Grimmjow closer. "Cause his my kitty cat."

'I don't want this to end either.'

A few days past when it finally wore off. Grimmjow went on and try to fight Ichigo again. Ichigo did his best to avoid the cat Arrancer. Miyuki did her best to be there to watch them fight.

"Should we tell Grimmjow about what happen on Chirstmas?" Mary asked.

"I want Grimmjow to remember on his own," Miyuki smiled remember watching the whole thing and not stopping it.

"That would be bad if he does remember?" Mary asked.

"Why did you ask me if we tell him what happen?"

"I don't know."

"You should drugged him and sleep with him again."

**THINGS NOT TO GIVE GRIMMJOW**

Permanent Makers

A chain saw

Any ED meds

Coffee

LSD

Speed

morphine

crack-cocaine

meth

or any other drug I didn't mention

**THINGS NOT TO GIVE MIYUKI**

Anti-depressants

Sugar

energy drinks

dark chocolate covered espresso beans

decaf (she would kill you)


	3. Chapter 3

Mayuri gets Rick Roll'd

**A/N: Sorry for all the mistakes, I just thought of it at a moment notices and thought it would be funny to post it.**

It was a sunny day in the 12 division barracks. A day for experiments and doing evil scientist stuff, filled with screaming and discovery. Yes today will be a very good day for Mayuri. But when he got into lab he sensed something a bit off but he put it off. It was probably nothing to fret about. He was at the massive computer screen and when he turned it on and looked up some data, where he got this strange video. It was Rick Astley's video "Never Gonna Give You Up." Who did this will die a slow and painful death from his own bare hands.

At 3rd division barracks, Miyuki couldn't stand it and started to laugh like a crazy person.

"What's so funny captain?" Kira asked her.

"Someone just Rick Roll'd Mayuri," Miyuki wiped the tear from the corner of her eye. "Oh he's going to be piss."

After she said that there was an emergency captain's meeting. She knew what it was about.

"I tell you how it ends Izuru," she told him as she was leaving.

AT THE MEETING

"Mayuri wishes to say something," Yamamoto said.

"Thank you Yamamoto," Mayuri step in front of his fellow captains and clears his throat. "Someone has sabotage the 12 division's computers. Every time I enter into a program I'll get this video of some human that sings that he'll never put me down."

Miyuki almost cracked but thanks to her acting skills she covered well. Though there were some cracking up among the other captains. Quickly, Miyuki decided to use her acting skill to draw out this whole thing and make a farce out of it.

"So his singing to you?" Miyuki asked. "I'll never know you had such a way with other men."

"I know you are a part of this," Mayuri accused her.

"Me," Miyuki placed her hand on her chest. "Whatever do you mean by that? I don't even know how to enter into those rooms."

"The man was singing in English!"

"Then how did you know what he was singing about unless you know English. Don't you?"

"There were subtitles!" Mayuri pointed out.

"So what was the song about?" Shunsui asked. He was quite interested in this whole mess.

"Well," Mayuri pulled out a sheet and said a few lyrics. That's when Miyuki finally broke. "So you did it, your laughter betrays you!"

"No, but I knew something that you don't," Miyuki said between laughter. Ichigo looked at her and wonder what she really knew. "You've just been Rick Roll'd. I can't believe it that someone had the enough guts to do it."

"Rick Roll'd?" Ichigo had heard it before but never really knew what it was about.

"It's when you go on a website and click on a link but instead of the intended clip or website you are sent to watch a music video 'Never Gonna Give You Up.'" Miyuki informed them. "Someone who did this must have been Rick Roll'd or knew about it and is computer savvy to pull it off. Since I'm not that computer savvy, I can't do it."

"But you do know about it," Mayuri argued and beginning to think that she's really behind it.

"Now why would I Rick Roll you," she asked him. "I have nothing to gain and I don't really know where the computers are in your squad."

Mayuri huffed, "I'll get the bottom of this sooner or later."

Two weeks after the whole mess began, Mayuri finally got the annoying video off of the computers. He will never learn that it was Akon that was behind it. Of course he had some help with Miyuki.


End file.
